I had no idea how far back this all went…
What is “Mother Goddess” Energy?
She is the wind behind the heat of the sun
The churning of the ocean waters
The Speed of the lightning
The pressure Expelling the Power of the Volcano
The Light Reflecting Onto the Moon
About a year ago now I was taking apart any ritual like activity I was doing. Some because I felt as though they were placed without a greater understanding and others based on different attachments and so on. To me, RITUAL is important- there’s an implied repetition in which you can spend time with all of the parts of this Ritual and get to know it well- deeply as they say. You form your days AROUND them.
Think about that for a second- the day forms AROUND “it”.
What is this “it”?
Do you work for it?
How do we know it is there?
This isn’t to say that I was “having doubts” about the things I know further than tagging this “belief” word onto them- those that get put in the UN-quantifiable category. Not that-
What WAS happening was unwinding of things closest to my heart- those which might have been overlooked in the first five thousand microscopic views of my life or even those things I have “just been doing for so long”. None of this has been easy- but, after a while I realized I walked exactly in the opposite direction at some point recently enough that is had impact for me – I had been given a particular set of signs and well, missed the mark.
What was happening in real time was a deep loss of interest- in pretty much anything. I could not muster up any tactile experience that wasn’t mechanical at best- let it be an art medium, Yogasana, reading / learning of anything was forced which wasn’t really doing anything either.
I stopped doing EVERYTHING and waited. Except Asana and meditations – but these were highly mechanical and felt like those times you eat because you know you haven’t had enough nutrients for a certain amount of time. A clear mechanical deposit into the “bank”.
Outside of our realm the concept of time is arranged differently- so this waiting took on a whole other meaning to me. It was as if I were screaming into a bucket of water but without any action what so ever- it became EERIE to say the least. I tested things out, finding myself walking away over and over, leaving brushes to be ruined, glues to harden and all that fun stuff.
Something you should know about me, if you don’t already, is I make things, having my hands busy has been an integral part of my life and to simply lose interest one day is not something I had even fathomed could happen- let alone what I would do if it did. You see, to be making something was protection to me and after oh-so-many years the need for this protection had been removed and I never really re-evaluated all the way down to my bones, let alone my “energy source”. I created. A Lot. I still can, but I wont unless there’s a particular sense about it- this divide didn’t happen over night, I don’t even think I noticed until I blinked one day and realized the whole damn thing was gone.
The through line had been snipped. Did I do that? What is happening here?
I don’t work with “muses” and I often haven’t even needed to be”inspired” as log as there was a project or art series I was fine. THIS ultimately is similar to creating a GIANT PILE of art and placing each one behind you. People coming in say “oh wow look at all the art” and you think ‘oh that’ or some other such nonsense. What is the point of that?
You see, this is what I did
but it translates as
and I didn’t even notice.
This was all so unbelievably interesting- I hadn’t actually planned to START this series of stories here but here we are. Creation energy- without children involved is creative energy, healing energy and they call it sexual energy as well. SO if one were to be taking for granted the items of creation (the Art in my case) then one just might be totally blocked from this energy or source of it in our bodies, our lived and spirit. I have struggled enough with feminine energy that the fact I missed this part of the connection to this particular earth energy is interesting to me. I remember a teacher once saying “we have not all had that quintessential mother figure but it exists” and I took that to heart. Without getting into my relationship with my mom, right away there is something off here. Keep in mind, I could be quoting it wrong- either way it overlooks that even if you had THE BEST MOM EVER- is this really, truly THE quintessential GODDESS figure? I’m leaning on no. Just in case you are wondering, no I do not have kids. This is another one of those weird limitations people are projecting onto others.
“Mother Goddess” energy is in everything- without is there would be no action as far as I can tell. Some will refer to creative energy, some sexual- it really depends on where the information comes from. Lately I have been looking into Hindu, Vedic and everything related to this historically as it related to Yoga for the most part. This has given me a breath of fresh air in how I look at things in my day to day life- a lot of this has been review but also who cares!
Because of this “mothery” association I had without realizing it lumped away this energy because many of the people who did me serious harm when I was a young girl were supposed to be looking after me. I believe this is why I ended up eventually staying with my grandparents most- it was the safe place. So many great stories about this, but it will take us away from our goal talking point- or points.
How does one who didn’t have “that” mom (& does this ever matter anyways?), didn’t have feminine examples of power to see or rather, these very power people hurt her- ok so -how does one create a connections, or rather FIND IT again when it seems just that far off? you know? Do they stop at an ideal? This wasn’t enough for me. As a part of my realization I knew I could have a more tangible resource- I also knew I cannot argue with how It is delivered once I am looking for it in this way. So I started on some kind of a path- or rather, went BACK to one from a few years ago which I was avoidant of.
When I started down this specific thread it went back to the womb, I don’t mean to say that thing but hey I felt like I went so far down the rabbit hole of sensations and memories without words and threads of awareness that it just is what it is. All this REALLY means is, I went ALL THE WAY BACK felt my way though via sensations- often unidentifiable and some had these weird memories attached like the first time I crunched snow under my feet, or wet cement with fall leaves on it that aren’t of the trees where I lived- but the scent was intoxicating, familiar and experiential.
Without getting into all the ins and outs of my personal experience- this was a LOT to turn around. Sure I know, we all have different ways of doing things, I just hadn’t seen, maybe I wasn’t ever presented with the information – even if I was, I obviously had to go about this my own route like all the things. For me though, I am sticking on this YOGA path- I will share with you soon about my experiences with “New Age Spirituality”.
For now though, this path is SO VAST I am eternally grateful for it for I found my way back to MA in the most honest way I could have done- I lost myself in order to find her within.
She came when I called, even when I couldn’t see her. This went on over some time- with certain cues from studies, awareness of my sensational intermingling with nature and some dreams I found my way.
What are we talking about here EXACTLY?
A point of focus, in a way.
But so much more than that. Remember, I am not Hindu- but this is the closest representation of what I have felt and experienced. I will continue to investigate and share what I find.
What is “Mother Goddess” Energy?
She is the wind behind the heat of the sun
The churning of the ocean waters
The speed of the lightning
The pressure expelling the power of the volcano
The light reflecting onto the moon
This piece of art here to the right- also the main image of this post- is something from a dream. A major part of what shifted my awareness in this way is my interaction with the Sri Yantra. YES this image is merely a triangle- this red triangle is the closest and most simple representation of MA understanding that you cannot actually render an accurate representation. This is from a dream, yes, so that is how it came to be- no different than when I worked through my second Yoga Teacher Training and at 4 am i was being awoken by a drum in my dreams- as it turned out it was pictured in images of Siva. I cannot actually explain these things except to say this is my experience. If I wanted such a thing to happen I assure you something else would indeed take it’s place.
What I am sharing is no different than a reverence to
& so on…
to me, this isn’t a “calming” energy- it is the existence which presents this essence
The colors in the dream changed a few times. The image to the left is the first set of colors I worked with- while I do enjoy this energy, to me it feels too playful- as a friend described it “Dolphin Energy”. Do not get me wrong, there is value in this, I am not putting down dolphins. In fact- the first drawing contest I won an award in I won for drawing dolphins, amongst some other sea creatures.
But this ‘MaaTaa’ energy I am talking about is not that.
How does one find their connection?
Honestly- I can only speak on MY experience as someone whom created an abundance of restriction. I am also not Hindu- so I will be careful to not create a watered down version from my understanding and pass it off as a REAL & HONORABLE teaching outside of that scope. This scope is Yoga, obviously, but I am also a highly energy aware person with a background in a few things including Art & Anthropology. I have spent a lot of years prior to “Spiritual Pursuits” figuring out how to change my view, shift my lens or at the very least- turn it upside down in order to make sure my attempt to see isn’t rigid but expansive.
How does someone find their connection?
Well, if there is a lot of resistance in certain areas and for some reason you keep coming back to the same place- there is somewhere to start because you return as if it already IS a “practice” so you might as well see why, or try to see, begin asking questions.
IF resistance is NOT the top of your list- then you look to see what draws your attention in a way which is indescribable. Look into every single detail you can find- from colors to shapes to scents to types of earth or water or fire.
Remember- from a Yoga focus, we would be looking at the body. During meditation for example- does a particular chakra call your attention enough that you know it’s a pattern to look at?
Please note- this isn’t necessarily the best place for a person new to all of this. It is recommended you have extensive meditation and breathing practices before diving into this energy.
ALSO many of the practices which are related require initiation, something I do not feel I would have access to but I definitely do not know this as a fact. This does not block me from any of the things I have shared, the restriction is in between the lines and can’t even possibly be expounded upon without proper instruction- you wouldn’t even be able to see them and neither can I. HOWEVER if you are a human on earth- you can and do connect to Mother Goddess energy.
How do I cultivate it?
This will depend on how you approach spirituality as a whole. Participating in practices is similar to saving in a bank- but participation without concentration will not provide for the “same” experience as one who is fully in focus. This does take time- so keep in mind everyone will go through a time where you feel like you’re watching it all vs PARTICIPATING.
For me, this is a beginning
Everything is within- and when I say everything, I really mean everything. The best way I can say to develop this kind of relationship with the energies and dimensions around you is very similar to cultivating a relationship with your “Guides”. The biggest difference is the focus- the guides are outward facing while MA is inward facing. I could write a whole other post on this part but everyone has both, how they view it or interact with everything can be drastically different.
I honestly didn’t think I could connect with this energy- ever.
So if you think that- I can tell you I was able to honestly shift into this perspective- I didn’t even know it was happening at first.
Then I witnessed it.
Don’t lose hope!
Thank you for reading & keep an eye out for follow up posts.